1. My wife knew of my love for John Adams prior to our marriage, so she has no excuses now. (She didn't know of my secret affection for Johannes Gutenberg though.)
2. Yes, my family is probably going to be wealthy some day. If that day comes, however, I'd like to think that I'll retain enough self-awareness to refrain from flaunting it under the guise of complaining about the commute to my second home to a poor 25-year-old law student.
3. Diablo II had a powerful ability to bring roommates together. I hope III can do the same.
4. Nick the Stick was only absent from my sweet allegory because I couldn't think of a historical fuigure from that period who would try to walk from Farley to Knott and end up on the other side of a lake. John Burgoyne, maybe?
5. Jake took his first steps the other day. It's a dizzying, terrifying experience to watch.
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Monday, June 30, 2008
My Closing Argument
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am here to present you with facts. Not opinions, not speculations, just facts. Cold, hard facts. Inescapable, undeniable facts. And here are those facts.
1. Big Jim's unwillingness to enter the fray and eagerness to achieve victory through cowardly and ungentlemanly means led the Smash Bros. Coalition (i.e., the fray-entering warriors) to develop a system that included the number of knockouts as a factor in determining victory (the BCS).
Think about that for a moment. Nintendo was unable to develop a system that adequately compensated for Big Jim's craven play. This gutless, spineless style of play was so unforeseeable – indeed, so incomprehensible – that the greatest video game company in the history of mankind failed to account for it.
2. Once the Smash Bros. BCS (see point one) was adopted, Big Jim countered by constantly pressing for team battles. Some people, when confronted with the reality that their style of play was no longer viable, would change that style of play. Not Big Jim. Rather than adapt a manly fray-entering style, he instead resorted to seeking to fight in two-on-two scenarios. There, he could continue his fray avoision and do so under the guise of being a good teammate. Despite Jim's protestations below, no right-minded Smash Bros. warrior ever left the experience of teaming with Big Jim without severe scars. Years later, poor Pikachu still goes to physical therapy three times a week.
3. Big Jim fathered a child with Sally Hemings. There, I said it.
As you can see, when we look at the facts, it is irrefutable that Big Jim is a pusillanimous, bastard-producing loser. Having said all that, I'm willing to give Big Jim a chance at redemption. All he needs to do is buy a Wii, buy Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and become a master in the art of brawling. It's that simple.
1. Big Jim's unwillingness to enter the fray and eagerness to achieve victory through cowardly and ungentlemanly means led the Smash Bros. Coalition (i.e., the fray-entering warriors) to develop a system that included the number of knockouts as a factor in determining victory (the BCS).
Think about that for a moment. Nintendo was unable to develop a system that adequately compensated for Big Jim's craven play. This gutless, spineless style of play was so unforeseeable – indeed, so incomprehensible – that the greatest video game company in the history of mankind failed to account for it.
2. Once the Smash Bros. BCS (see point one) was adopted, Big Jim countered by constantly pressing for team battles. Some people, when confronted with the reality that their style of play was no longer viable, would change that style of play. Not Big Jim. Rather than adapt a manly fray-entering style, he instead resorted to seeking to fight in two-on-two scenarios. There, he could continue his fray avoision and do so under the guise of being a good teammate. Despite Jim's protestations below, no right-minded Smash Bros. warrior ever left the experience of teaming with Big Jim without severe scars. Years later, poor Pikachu still goes to physical therapy three times a week.
3. Big Jim fathered a child with Sally Hemings. There, I said it.
As you can see, when we look at the facts, it is irrefutable that Big Jim is a pusillanimous, bastard-producing loser. Having said all that, I'm willing to give Big Jim a chance at redemption. All he needs to do is buy a Wii, buy Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and become a master in the art of brawling. It's that simple.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Always into the East . . .
Ok, so the trailer's not all that good, and the website says something about fighting the failing powers of heaven. Why does Blizzard always ruin things that way? Warcraft and Starcraft had the same damn problem. Anyway. II was ridiculously addictive. With any luck, III will follow in its footsteps. Problem. Despite Rico's urging, the only time I'll be able to regularly play a video game will be during my year abroad. I'm thinking I'll have better things do in Rome. Maybe I should take a year off to "discern" or something?
Lies! All Lies!
Only I know how it truly went down.
While our esteemed Rico certainly presents a plausible version of events, the perfect linkages in his construct surely should make the discerning reader leery of accepting his version of events. The regrettable lack of Nick the Stick is merely the first in a series of gaping holes. I might also point out that the Wierema and Pontzer areas of Smash Bros. were largely separate save for the occasional reunion game. While the regular player of need hardly be reminded, our less practiced readers might not be aware that Samus' Up B is Falcon's best friend. Without the incapacitation provided by this nigh un-blockable move, the 10 second windup on our avian commander's punch renders it all but useless. Finally, I might add that Rico is not only wrong on the particulars but offers a strangely static vision of Smash Bros. history. As the records clearly show, while my play with Samus was unorthodox, it was undoubtedly the most effective style of play for that character. As I progressed to Falcon and Donkey Kong, rarely was I absent from the fray. The bizzare complaints of a certain roommate and Pontzer that my characters threw too much are otherwise inexplicable.
Oh, one more thing. Rico's analysis of the Ponz is spot on.
While our esteemed Rico certainly presents a plausible version of events, the perfect linkages in his construct surely should make the discerning reader leery of accepting his version of events. The regrettable lack of Nick the Stick is merely the first in a series of gaping holes. I might also point out that the Wierema and Pontzer areas of Smash Bros. were largely separate save for the occasional reunion game. While the regular player of need hardly be reminded, our less practiced readers might not be aware that Samus' Up B is Falcon's best friend. Without the incapacitation provided by this nigh un-blockable move, the 10 second windup on our avian commander's punch renders it all but useless. Finally, I might add that Rico is not only wrong on the particulars but offers a strangely static vision of Smash Bros. history. As the records clearly show, while my play with Samus was unorthodox, it was undoubtedly the most effective style of play for that character. As I progressed to Falcon and Donkey Kong, rarely was I absent from the fray. The bizzare complaints of a certain roommate and Pontzer that my characters threw too much are otherwise inexplicable.
Oh, one more thing. Rico's analysis of the Ponz is spot on.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Today's Smash Bros. History Lesson
Reflecting on John Adams, I can't help but notice the parallels between the Continental Congress and my college experience playing Smash Bros. (Spare me the criticism. If something can't be reduced to a Smash Bros. analogy, it's not worth studying.)
We would routinely play two-on-two team battles. Whenever Big Jim and I would team up, I would inevitably be Captain Falcon, the bombastic and badass brawler. Jim, on the other hand, would choose Samus, the archetype of a jobber. Naturally, I would do the heavy lifting for the team, shouting "Show me your moves!" and "Falcon Punch!" all along the way. Jim, of course, would allow me to take a two-on-one beating just so he could stay in the corner and charge up his Big Shot. Despite my demands to "Get in the fray!" the most assistance I could hope for would be the occasional Up-B. Then, at the end of the fight, just as I was about to complete my heroic one-on-two victory, Big Jim would come in, fire one Big Shot, and steal my kills.
So it was in the Continental Congress. While John Adams was up fighting for independence on the floor of Congress every day, Jefferson sat on his hands like a scared little boy. Adams would take a beating from opponents of independence such as John Dickinson, and Jefferson would remain silent, providing virtually no assistance. Once Adams had heroically swung Congress to vote for independence, Jefferson hopped in, wrote the Declaration, and stole all the glory.
To fill out the analogy, Wierema has to be George Washington, always ready for a fight but smart enough to find one on good terms. And clearly Pontzer is the French: only fighting when it suits his own interests, prone to spectacularly violent disasters, and far, far too effeminate.
We would routinely play two-on-two team battles. Whenever Big Jim and I would team up, I would inevitably be Captain Falcon, the bombastic and badass brawler. Jim, on the other hand, would choose Samus, the archetype of a jobber. Naturally, I would do the heavy lifting for the team, shouting "Show me your moves!" and "Falcon Punch!" all along the way. Jim, of course, would allow me to take a two-on-one beating just so he could stay in the corner and charge up his Big Shot. Despite my demands to "Get in the fray!" the most assistance I could hope for would be the occasional Up-B. Then, at the end of the fight, just as I was about to complete my heroic one-on-two victory, Big Jim would come in, fire one Big Shot, and steal my kills.
So it was in the Continental Congress. While John Adams was up fighting for independence on the floor of Congress every day, Jefferson sat on his hands like a scared little boy. Adams would take a beating from opponents of independence such as John Dickinson, and Jefferson would remain silent, providing virtually no assistance. Once Adams had heroically swung Congress to vote for independence, Jefferson hopped in, wrote the Declaration, and stole all the glory.
To fill out the analogy, Wierema has to be George Washington, always ready for a fight but smart enough to find one on good terms. And clearly Pontzer is the French: only fighting when it suits his own interests, prone to spectacularly violent disasters, and far, far too effeminate.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Wiiiiiiiiii!
One of the reasons I've been on hiatus for so long, much to the chagrin of my six fans, is that we recently got a Nintendo Wii. I can say it's unequivocally awesome.
The game that comes with the system is Wii Sports. It was prominently featured in the original Wii commercials ("We would like to play") for good reason. The games (baseball, bowling, boxing, golf, and tennis) are simple, intuitive, and fun, and they really set Wii apart from the other Next Generation gaming systems, which are so focused on raw power. All five sports are fun to play, and Wii Sports is perfect for just about everyone because the learning curve is virtually nonexistent.
Along with Wii Sports, we purchased Mario Kart Wii initially. It's very similar to all the recent Mario Kart games with the exception of the Wii wheel, which really adds another challenging element to the game. The other fun feature is the inclusion of tracks from previous Mario Kart games, going all the way back to the initial Super Mario Kart for SNES. It's a lot of fun to see how the game has evolved, although some of the tracks chosen for inclusion are puzzling. Also, Rainbow Road is as difficult as ever.
Lastly, my brother got me Super Smash Bros. Brawl for my birthday (over a month late, but that's another story). While I've just begun to tap into all the different features, I can tell you one thing: this ain't your daddy's Smash Bros. I didn't play Smash Bros. Melee too much, but Brawl seems to have adopted Melee's frantic pace. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but something I'm not used to after playing something approaching 1,000 hours of the original game during college.
The other thing that surprised me about Brawl was the sheer number of features. In addition to your traditional multiplayer free-for-alls and "survive and advance" modes, there is an actual story mode (The Subspace Emissary) and a slew of mini-games, challenges, and features.
The final sweet feature about Wii is the free online gaming and wireless access. Whereas playing against AI can get tiresome after a while, online play offers an almost limitless challenge. Now the task is to get all my college friends to join in. Especially those who receive stipends from their Ivy League schools' Classics Departments. Hint, hint.
The game that comes with the system is Wii Sports. It was prominently featured in the original Wii commercials ("We would like to play") for good reason. The games (baseball, bowling, boxing, golf, and tennis) are simple, intuitive, and fun, and they really set Wii apart from the other Next Generation gaming systems, which are so focused on raw power. All five sports are fun to play, and Wii Sports is perfect for just about everyone because the learning curve is virtually nonexistent.
Along with Wii Sports, we purchased Mario Kart Wii initially. It's very similar to all the recent Mario Kart games with the exception of the Wii wheel, which really adds another challenging element to the game. The other fun feature is the inclusion of tracks from previous Mario Kart games, going all the way back to the initial Super Mario Kart for SNES. It's a lot of fun to see how the game has evolved, although some of the tracks chosen for inclusion are puzzling. Also, Rainbow Road is as difficult as ever.
Lastly, my brother got me Super Smash Bros. Brawl for my birthday (over a month late, but that's another story). While I've just begun to tap into all the different features, I can tell you one thing: this ain't your daddy's Smash Bros. I didn't play Smash Bros. Melee too much, but Brawl seems to have adopted Melee's frantic pace. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but something I'm not used to after playing something approaching 1,000 hours of the original game during college.
The other thing that surprised me about Brawl was the sheer number of features. In addition to your traditional multiplayer free-for-alls and "survive and advance" modes, there is an actual story mode (The Subspace Emissary) and a slew of mini-games, challenges, and features.
The final sweet feature about Wii is the free online gaming and wireless access. Whereas playing against AI can get tiresome after a while, online play offers an almost limitless challenge. Now the task is to get all my college friends to join in. Especially those who receive stipends from their Ivy League schools' Classics Departments. Hint, hint.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Wouldn't a Bazooka Be a Lot More Fun?
As it is, darts will have to do. Best individual reaction time (guessing is cheating) is 0.132 s. My highest rating is "Rocketing Rabbit." Rico, let's see if your superior Smash Bros. skills translate to other fields.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
A short list of awesome things
1. This story about robots evolving and learning how to lie. Awesome and troubling at the same time.
2. The video game Bully. It's a less homicidal version of Grand Theft Auto. It's the first video game I have bought in a while, and it's been a blast.
3. This dream I had last night (or was it two nights ago?) where I was running for president and got into a verbal fight with Mike Huckabee in a parking garage overlooking Notre Dame's spring football game. Awesome because it gives a deep insight into my psyche and the things that occupy my brain power.
4. Antonin Scalia. It's really fun to see ostensibly liberal law students persuaded by sheer force of his reasoning. It's equally fun to see other liberal students trash him because they think they are supposed to, without actually addressing his arguments.
5. Eli Manning and the New York Giants. Simply because I don't think I could have stomached two weeks of Packer hype and Favre news converage without harming myself or others.
2. The video game Bully. It's a less homicidal version of Grand Theft Auto. It's the first video game I have bought in a while, and it's been a blast.
3. This dream I had last night (or was it two nights ago?) where I was running for president and got into a verbal fight with Mike Huckabee in a parking garage overlooking Notre Dame's spring football game. Awesome because it gives a deep insight into my psyche and the things that occupy my brain power.
4. Antonin Scalia. It's really fun to see ostensibly liberal law students persuaded by sheer force of his reasoning. It's equally fun to see other liberal students trash him because they think they are supposed to, without actually addressing his arguments.
5. Eli Manning and the New York Giants. Simply because I don't think I could have stomached two weeks of Packer hype and Favre news converage without harming myself or others.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Reason #941,408 I love The Onion
Stories that hit close to home:
Er. Not that I've spent countless hours dissecting the strategy and physics underlying Smash Bros.
"It takes Mr. Jenkins 4.33 milliseconds to retrieve the memory of holding his newborn sister for the first time, but just 1.09 milliseconds to retrieve the memory of knocking Pikachu off the Sector Z platform with Donkey Kong's 'ground pound' maneuver in Super Smash Bros.," McCarroll said. "In fact, the only school-related memory he is able to review as vividly as the underwater-bomb-defusing level of Nintendo Entertainment System's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is his first day of college, which was spent playing multiplayer GoldenEye 007 with his roommates."Whatever. Everybody knows that the ground pound move sucks and no competent Donkey Konger would use it.
Er. Not that I've spent countless hours dissecting the strategy and physics underlying Smash Bros.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
I'm not sure what's going on here,
but I want to be a part of it.
As longtime friends know, Big Jim and I spent the better part of our college years playing the original Super Smash Bros. If the Wii version were available during that time, let's just say there would have been blood shed.
"Get in the fray!"
As longtime friends know, Big Jim and I spent the better part of our college years playing the original Super Smash Bros. If the Wii version were available during that time, let's just say there would have been blood shed.
"Get in the fray!"
Monday, November 5, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Alias
In my legal writing class, we have to submit our papers under pseudonyms. Clearly, I used Johnny Rico as my first one. Now, I have to decide where to go for my next three. So many choices. . .
Continuing the Starship Troopers theme: Ace Levy, Drill Sergeant Zim, and Sky Marshall Tahatmaru.
Marvel Villians with ridiculous names: Victor Von Doom, Otto Octavius, and the Mandarin.
My favorite X-Men's alter-egos: Peter Rasputin, Remy LeBeau, and Bobby Drake.
Underused and underappreciated Smash Bros. characters: Yoshi, Fox McLeod, and Captain Falcon.
One-time Simpsons appearances: Frank Grimes, Hank Scorpio, and Sideshow Cecil.
Continuing the Starship Troopers theme: Ace Levy, Drill Sergeant Zim, and Sky Marshall Tahatmaru.
Marvel Villians with ridiculous names: Victor Von Doom, Otto Octavius, and the Mandarin.
My favorite X-Men's alter-egos: Peter Rasputin, Remy LeBeau, and Bobby Drake.
Underused and underappreciated Smash Bros. characters: Yoshi, Fox McLeod, and Captain Falcon.
One-time Simpsons appearances: Frank Grimes, Hank Scorpio, and Sideshow Cecil.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Friday, February 2, 2007
Wii will rock you
If this were around during our college years, there would have been about a 70% probability of me failing out:
Saturday, December 16, 2006
That's Unpossible!
Technigal prowess aside, a wife who likes video games? A rare gem, my friend, a rare gem.
I'd also like to add that I've noticed my blogging is directly proportional to the amount of work I have to do. Apparently nervous energy is necessary.
I'd also like to add that I've noticed my blogging is directly proportional to the amount of work I have to do. Apparently nervous energy is necessary.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Top that!
I just spent my Friday night disassembling my Playstation 2 in order to clean the laser so that it would read games again.
And here's the kicker: I actually did it for my wife. Such is married life.
And here's the kicker: I actually did it for my wife. Such is married life.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
To Game or Not to Game?
That is the question. I'm pretty sure what the answer is, but while the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. Of course both grow weak when they see something like this trailer:
It's hard to pass up a chance to sucessfully defend the Byzantine Empire, lead the Reconquista four hundred years early, or see how the British longbow fares on the steppes of Russia. Awfully hard. I think my current PC is too old to run the game without a few upgrades. I'll refrain from challenging that fact for as long as possible.
It's hard to pass up a chance to sucessfully defend the Byzantine Empire, lead the Reconquista four hundred years early, or see how the British longbow fares on the steppes of Russia. Awfully hard. I think my current PC is too old to run the game without a few upgrades. I'll refrain from challenging that fact for as long as possible.
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