The obligatory life update

First, of course, is the big news. For those of you who don't know, my lovely wife is pregnant. She is due in late July. She's feeling pretty good thus far, and she'll soon be out of the window where she had morning sickness the last time around. She's interested in the possibility of having a girl, so she won't listen when I tell her that I'm simply too manly to produce a girl.

Beyond that, everything else pales in comparison. As mentioned earlier, I just finished the busiest semester of my life. In addition to a full class load, I worked part time and interned for credit with a federal judge. Individually, they were all wonderful experiences, but collectively, it was quite a strain. I estimate that I wrote nearly 110 pages worth of papers and drafts of opinions. My wife is an angel for putting up with my grumpy self the past four months.

In "I'm not going to be poor forever" news, I will be working as an associate this summer at the largest law firm in Milwaukee. Among all the other benefits of working at a large firm (cough *paycheck* cough), they have a really diverse practice. I'm really looking forward to trying a few different areas of the law to see what I enjoy. I'm currently leaning toward litigation, but I want to try tax and a few other areas as well.

Jake is also growing and learning faster than I thought possible. He's quite literally learning something new every day, and it's constantly blowing my mind. I'm really looking forward to this time off because I don't spend as much time with him as I would like. If you thought I had a high opinion of myself, just wait til you hear me talk about him.

Wisconsin weather is truly awful. On Friday, we got 13 inches of snow. Today, the wind chill has been hovering between -20 and -30. It's really putting a cramp on my Christmas shopping.

I think that's about it. I hope to keep a semi-regular bogging schedule in the coming weeks. Over the next few days, I hope to discuss Notre Dame football and provide an open letter to the President-elect.

A short list of awesome things

1. This story about robots evolving and learning how to lie. Awesome and troubling at the same time.

2. The video game Bully. It's a less homicidal version of Grand Theft Auto. It's the first video game I have bought in a while, and it's been a blast.

3. This dream I had last night (or was it two nights ago?) where I was running for president and got into a verbal fight with Mike Huckabee in a parking garage overlooking Notre Dame's spring football game. Awesome because it gives a deep insight into my psyche and the things that occupy my brain power.

4. Antonin Scalia. It's really fun to see ostensibly liberal law students persuaded by sheer force of his reasoning. It's equally fun to see other liberal students trash him because they think they are supposed to, without actually addressing his arguments.

5. Eli Manning and the New York Giants. Simply because I don't think I could have stomached two weeks of Packer hype and Favre news converage without harming myself or others.

So begins my life as a corporate sellout

I just shaved for the first time in more than six months in preparation for lunch with an attorney for Milwaukee's largest law firm.

If I'm going to be a corporate sellout, I'd at least like to be paid like one.

My true calling

With finals over, I have a four-week break before school starts again.

This leaves me free to pursue my true calling in life: stay-at-home dad and professional blogger.

If only I could get paid for this.

One hour til Criminal Law

Am I ready to take this test? Let's just say I could step in tomorrow for Sam Waterston and nobody would know the difference.

As my wife pointed out, however, I wouldn't be nearly as effective selling robot insurance.

Sooooo tedious

"The trial court's analysis, however, failed to take into account the fact that grapes can be expected to roll if they fall on the ground."

Brian Fantana

That's the alias I ended up using for my paper this week. It makes sense, because I am the stylish one of the group.

All that remains to be seen is whether I have the "balls" to use James Westphal and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater for my final two papers.

Alias

In my legal writing class, we have to submit our papers under pseudonyms. Clearly, I used Johnny Rico as my first one. Now, I have to decide where to go for my next three. So many choices. . .

Continuing the Starship Troopers theme: Ace Levy, Drill Sergeant Zim, and Sky Marshall Tahatmaru.

Marvel Villians with ridiculous names: Victor Von Doom, Otto Octavius, and the Mandarin.

My favorite X-Men's alter-egos: Peter Rasputin, Remy LeBeau, and Bobby Drake.

Underused and underappreciated Smash Bros. characters: Yoshi, Fox McLeod, and Captain Falcon.

One-time Simpsons appearances: Frank Grimes, Hank Scorpio, and Sideshow Cecil.

What I learned in law school today

Today, I learned that a voluntary act is an essential element of any crime. We can't punish someone for his or her thoughts.

Which is good because there's a girl in my class whose head I'd like to bash with a pipe.

An Investigative Assignment for Big Jim

Much to my disappointment, both Marquette and Notre Dame use one-ply toilet paper. I must know if this a Catholic school thing or a general university phenomenon.

Big Jim, does the trend hold at Cornell?

Awesome laws

The Supreme Court should not be able to strike down laws if they're this awesome:

Rogues and vagabonds, or dissolute persons who go about begging, common gamblers, persons who use juggling or unlawful games or plays, common drunkards, common night walkers, thieves, pilferers or pickpockets, traders in stolen propety, lewd, wanton, and lascivious persons, keepers of gambling places, common railers and brawlers, persons wandering or strolling around from place to place without any lawful purpose or object, habitual loafers, disorderly persons, persons neglecting all lawful business and habitually spending their time by frequenting housing of il fame, gaming houses, or places where alcoholic beverages are sold or served, persons able to work but habitually living upon the earnings of their wives or minor children shall be deemed vagrants...

Thesis

People who wear a backpack over one shoulder are invariably douchebags. Discuss.

Back to school!

Back to school
Back to school
To prove to dad that I'm not a fool

Law school started yesterday. Aside from the troubling trend that I've already done a considerable amount of work, it's going well. In a few weeks, I'll be suing my wife for malpractice.

Interestingly, there's a 1L here who reminds me of Big Jim. Smart, a little too intellectual for my tastes, and vaguely goofy looking. So as I'm talking to him yesterday, we get on the topic of undergraduate majors. What was his?

Latin.

More? More.

Just to make it a fearsome foursome of posts tonight, I'd like to talk a little bit about St. Thomas More. Truly a renaissance man, More was a successful lawyer, author, and royal aide. He is known best for being martyred by King Henry VIII for refusing to accept Henry's claim as head of the Church of England. He also wrote Utopia, actually an interesting book on communism (unlike all of Marx's stuff), as well as several defenses of the Catholic faith.

Well, my friends, today I submit to you that St. Thomas More has a new finest moment. I have been honored as the recipient of Marquette University Law School's St. Thomas More full tuition scholarship. Though St. Thomas died for his faith, I have been selected to carry on his legacy in posterity. Talk about your great honors.

We'll even throw in a year's supply of Turtle Wax!

Because I rocked the LSAT last year, I've received an inordinate amount of mail from law schools over the past few months. It's very similar to the materials many of us got before college, with one sweet exception: many schools throw in a waiver so the application is free. Even some top schools - Columbia, Duke, and Michigan spring to mind - have made this offer. It's a nice gesture, and if I were in different circumstances, I'd surely take up some of the schools on the offer.

However, last weekend, the University of Alabama decided to play the ULTIMATE TRUMP CARD. In addition to the fee waiver, they were also offering 25 FREE iTUNES DOWNLOADS!

I would be embarrassed if I worked for an institution that made such an offer. Putting aside its effectiveness (which I can't imagine is too high), it just seems so debasing to resort to these sorts of tactics. I understand what they're trying to do, but if they genuinely feel like they can't sell me on the school's qualities, they shouldn't contact me at all.

For what it's worth, I considered applying just for the downloads, but with the required recommendations and whatnot, I decided it wasn't worth it.