I completely agree with you. Always.

(Editor's Note: This is the first in a series of 2008 presidential candidate profiles.)

Hi, I'm Mitt Romney, and I think you should vote for me as the next President of the United States.

Why? Because I always agree with you.

Always.

You hate abortion? Hey, me too! Well, sure, I used to support abortion, but that was before I realized you didn't like it.

Ronald Reagan.

Guns? I love 'em. Been hunting since I was a kid. Fishing, too.

Well, maybe I haven't hunted in a literal sense, but I still think we should use guns to shoot immigrants. You do hate immigrants, right?

Stem cells? I've hated them since I first heard about them. Oh, there's a video on YouTube where I say I support stem cell research? Well, just ignore that. You see, back then, I hadn't had my deep, lifelong, profound change of heart. I also wasn't running for president at the time.

Ronald Reagan.

Gays? I give you my word, my sacred word, that I will strongly denounce homosexual civil unions until the day that I die. Or the day I receive the GOP nomination, whichever comes first.

Ronald Reagan.

What's that? Republicans like curling? Seriously?

As you know, I've been curling all my life. Using the brooms, pushing that big round stone thing, I love it all.

Well, no, I haven't actually curled, but you know what I mean. Right?

Right?