2008!

If you follow politics, you know that the field of candidates for 2008 is fairly crowded. On the GOP side, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Tommy Thompson, Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee, Tom Tancredo, Duncan Hunter, Jim Gilmore, and Ron Paul have all announced their candidacies. Other potential candidates include Fred Thompson, Newt Gingrich, and Chuck Hagel.

Despite all these candidates, some conservatives have complained that they don't have a candidate to call their own. In an effort to solve this problem, I have the candidate the Republicans are looking for.

Draft Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Listen, I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. When you think about it, he's about as solid a conservative as there is.

Foreign Policy: He starts international incidents as president of Iran. Imagine how aggressive he'd be with the military resources of the United States behind him. The homes of his dovish critics would be craters by sundown.

United Nations: He shows the organization as much respect as John Bolton.

Immigration: Just try to enter our territorial waters and see what happens.

Abortion: I'm pretty sure the word "stoning" would enter the American law books for the first time.

Crime: You think Rudy's tough on crime? Watch how fast graffiti declines when these hoodlums lose their hands.

As a bonus, he may or may not be a midget. How awesome would it be to have a midget president? That's why, at least until Gary Coleman declares, I'm throwing my support behind Mahmoud in 2008.