Have you forgotten?

In some ways, 9/11 seems like a lifetime ago. Big Jim and I had been at Notre Dame for only a few weeks. Mrs. Rico and I, though close friends, wouldn't start dating for another six months.

And yet, my memories from that day remain so clear. I can still see everything that happened that day so vividly in my mind. Not being able to connect to CNN.com. Staring at the TV screen in the Knott lounge in shock. Breaking down and weeping on the phone with my mother. The heat of the sun on my back and neck at mass on South Quad. Wondering how my half-brother, working for the NYPD, was doing. Anger. Sadness. Fear.

I truly believe it's important to remember the way I felt on 9/11. As painful as it was and is, pretending it didn't happen or shunting it out of our minds serves no useful purpose. Even anniversary memorials aren't enough.

People frequently say "Never forget." But "Never forget" means more than just one day a year. Yes, it means honoring the 3,000 people that lost their lives. But even more importantly, it means living lives of purpose. It means embracing life in a way worthy of "Let's roll." And it means remembering, not only on the anniversary of 9/11, but every day as we go forward.

Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire and her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going through a living hell

--Have You Forgotten?, Darryl Worley

Never forget.

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there was a terrible o-line.

They didn't open any holes for their running backs, so their team never won any games.

They were subsequently eaten by wolves.

The End.

More commentary on Notre Dame football (or, Give me a second serving of that Kool-Aid)

Yeah, opening weekend didn't exactly go as planned. Still, in a world where Appalachian State can strike fear in the hearts of traditional college football powers, I have to believe Notre Dame can come through with a better performance this week. In fact, Notre Dame matches up much better against Penn State than they did against Georgia Tech. To wit:

1. Notre Dame's biggest weakness (and there were many to choose from) last weekend was pass protection. Georgia Tech's blitzes are widely recognized as some of the most effective, complex schemes in the country. Penn State, though they'll certainly blitz more than usual, does not employ an aggressive attacking scheme.

2. Notre Dame's second biggest weakness last weekend was rush defense. It was exploited impressively by Tashard Choice. Penn State has no comparable back. In fact, starting RB Austin Scott only managed 2.3 yards per carry against Florida International last weekend. If we get any semblance of offense and force Penn State to go to a balanced attack, the Irish secondary could have some success.

3. Jimmy Clausen. Yes, it's too much to ask a true freshman in his first college start to excel in front of 100,000+ hillbillies. Yes, it's too much to ask a quarterback who's never played a meaningful college down to adjust to the speed of the game when facing the #14 team in the country. But this is no normal true freshman, and this is no normal quarterback. Jimmy Clausen is a once in a generation talent, and the difference in our offensive success will be night and day from last week.

Clausen's quick decision-making and release will cut the offensive line some slack and allow them to relax. Further, even limited successes in the passing game will force the defense to adjust and open up some room for the running game.

Yesterday is over. Today is the first game of the rest of your life. Irish 27, Penn State 16.

Go Crew

My adopted Milwaukee Brewers are involved in the thickest of playoff chases. We're currently tied with the Cubs and up one game on the Cardinals. The last 23 games are going to be a race to the finish where every game is the most important game of the season. For the people of Milwaukee, September baseball matters for the first time in a long time.

Making it even more tense is the fact that the Crew decided to tank the season around July. As the chart below shows, Milwaukee led the Central Division from game 6 to game 121. Even more impressively, the lead was at least 5 games from game 31 to game 87.

As the chart shows, the Brewers have struggled recently. In fact, after an 8 game lead, people had given them up for dead. But just when everyone was ready to count them out, Ben Sheets put on his cape and saved the day. Since Sheets' return, the Brewers are 6-2 and have a share of the division lead for the first time in a couple of weeks.

23 games to go. The underdog Brewers are going all the way!

(What do you want from me? More commentary on Notre Dame football?)

The absurd elevation of sports

On Sunday Night Football, sideline reporter Andrea Kremer just noted that at Tony Dungy's daughter's college (Spellman University, an all-female, historically black school), professors compare Dungy's coaching of a Super Bowl champion with Martin Luther King being put in jail and African-Americans gaining voting rights.

Really? We're going to trivialize one of the most important civil rights achievements of the last century and the most important African-American leader ever by comparing them to a football game?

Awesome laws

The Supreme Court should not be able to strike down laws if they're this awesome:

Rogues and vagabonds, or dissolute persons who go about begging, common gamblers, persons who use juggling or unlawful games or plays, common drunkards, common night walkers, thieves, pilferers or pickpockets, traders in stolen propety, lewd, wanton, and lascivious persons, keepers of gambling places, common railers and brawlers, persons wandering or strolling around from place to place without any lawful purpose or object, habitual loafers, disorderly persons, persons neglecting all lawful business and habitually spending their time by frequenting housing of il fame, gaming houses, or places where alcoholic beverages are sold or served, persons able to work but habitually living upon the earnings of their wives or minor children shall be deemed vagrants...

The Necromancer Revealed

Both Peter Jackson and New Line seem determined to stretch the movie version of The Hobbit into a two movie series while making it equivalent in tone to The Lord of the Rings. Needless to say, this will demand some padding. The obvious choice: show the White Council's assault on the Necromancer (a.k.a. Sauron in hiding). The problem? Well lots of problems, mainly having to do with creating a whole new script not actually built on anything Tolkien wrote. However another problem is Peter Jackson's somewhat interesting choice of portraying Sauron as a giant eye that doubled as a lighthouse (doubtless to help pay the rent). I have a feeling the denizens of Middle-earth probably would have been able to find out the identity of the Necromancer fairly easily in Jackson's versions of events--not too many giant, flaming eye-balls walking around. I, however, have come up with an elegant solution, using the latest in computer graphic technology to ensure that Sauron would plausibly be able to conceal his identity:


"Sauron? You must have me confused with someone else."

My fearless prediction

I can say with great certainty that I've gotten caught up in the preseason hype regarding Notre Dame. National pundits largely think the Irish will struggle, but the more I read and reflect, the more I think the team is going to surprise a lot of people.

As for Georgia Tech, between their injuries and the loss of Calvin Johnson, I think their offense will really struggle. I know people think the loss of Reggie Ball will be a case of addition by subtraction, but the fact remains that Taylor Bennett could not beat out Ball in his first two years at college. Bennett probably will eventually turn out to be a better QB than Ball, but to ask him to be superb in his first game without Super Security Blanket Calvin Johnson is unrealistic.

I think Notre Dame's offense will struggle as well, but will do enough to give the defense some breathing room. If that happens, I'll look for multiple turnovers and a defensive or special teams touchdown.

Irish 20 (that's 3 TD's with a missed extra point), Georgia Tech 3

Bobo's Finest Hour

Perhaps the greatest MST3K sketch of all time:

Prediction updates

Here was my prediction from March about our opening game starters:

QB - Demetrius Jones (Likely correct)
HB - Travis Thomas (Correct)
FB - Asaph Schwapp (Correct)
WR - David Grimes (Correct)
WR - Duval Kamara (Incorrect, though a boy can dream)
TE - John Carlson (Correct)
LT - Paul Duncan (Correct)
LG - Eric Olsen (Incorrect)
OC - John Sullivan (Correct)
RG - Dan Wenger (Correct)
RT - Sam Young (Correct)

DE - Trevor Laws (Correct)
DT - Chris Stewart (Incorrect)
DE - Pat Kuntz (Correct, but wrong position)
OLB - Morrice Richardson (Incorrect)
ILB - Maurice Crum (Correct)
ILB - Toryan Smith (50/50)
OLB - Anthony Vernaglia (Correct)
CB - Terrail Lambert (Correct)
FS - David Bruton (Correct)
SS - Tom Zbikowski (Correct)
CB - Ambrose Wooden (Incorrect)

By my math, I should have 9/11 on offense (assuming Jones starts) and 7/11 on defense (assuming Smith does not start) for a total of 16/22.

Now let's have a look at Jim's:


QB - Jimmy Clausen (Likely incorrect)
RB - Travis Thomas (Correct)
FB - Asaph Schwapp (Correct)
WR - David Grimes (Correct)
WR - Robby Parris (Incorrect)
TE - John Carlson (Correct)
RT - Sam Young (Correct)
G- Dan Wenger (Correct)
C- John Sullivan (Correct)
G - Matt Carufel (Incorrect)
LT - Paul Duncan (Correct)

DE - Trevor Laws (Correct)
NT - Chris Stewart (Incorrect)
DE - Derrell Hand (Prostitute)
OLB - John Ryan (Correct)
ILB - Maurice Crum (Correct)
ILB - Toryan Smith (50/50)
OLB - Morrice Richardson (Incorrect)
CB - Terrail Lambert (Correct)
CB - Darrin Walls (Correct)
FS - David Bruton (Correct)
SS - Tom Zbikowski (Correct)

That's likely 8/11 on offense and 7/11 on defense for a total of 15/22. By our agreement, I win his favorite book. Although I'm not particularly sure I want a first edition of Tolkein, Meus Vir. (That's Tolkein, My Hero, according to my online English-Latin dictionary.

Spy vs. Spy

Some thoughts on the Georgia Tech game. If I remember rightly, Notre Dame often put Maurice Crum as a "spy" on Reggie Ball to ensure the quarterback didn't pick up too many plays with his legs. Calvin Johnson was also frequently double-covered. This game plan worked to perfection, as both players were contained, and GT scored a mere 10 points. Now let's look at this year. No Reggie Ball and no Calvin Johnson. Notre Dame effectively has two more players on defense. Throw in the numerous injuries of GT (RT, LT, TE, numerous WRs, backup RB), and I like our chances of stopping them.

Now about the other half of the match-up. If Demetrius Jones is the QB, as nearly everyone is saying he is, he will almost certainly demand a spy of some kind. If not, he'll just pick GT to death on QB draws or botched passing plays (2006 Fiesta Bowl style). Here's the more speculative part. Armando Allen is fast. Really fast. Could he require a spy as well? Notre Dame has never had a player under Weis who forced the defense to watch him every single play. We're going to have one, and quite possibly two this year. If that happens, who's guarding Carlson (let alone Yeatman or Reuland)?. Then there are our receivers. Grimes and West might not be Samardizja and Stovall, but I'm willing to bet they can beat single coverage if the safeties are worried about the Notre Dame backfield. If Jones can be accurate enough for defenses to respect the pass, I think the offense has a chance to rack up a lot of points. Weis is no Chan Gailey. He'll make teams pay for poaching.

Prediction: ND 24 - GT 10

Hooray for government cheese (and milk, and formula, and eggs...)

Guys, our money problems are over; we are officially on welfare! Come on kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn.
-Peter Griffin

Not quite, but my family is now officially on WIC (Women, Infants & Children), and we receive free formula, milk, eggs, cheese, juice, and other things that I'm forgetting. I love the fact that a future doctor and lawyer are eligible for such programs. If there's a better advertisement against the welfare state, I'm not sure what it is.

Having said that, I'm certainly not begrudging any of the free stuff. I just find it a little silly.

Pick Six

I actually did really well for much of the season in this contest last year, because I had Rutgers as my unranked team and they kept rolling. This year:

1-5 - USC
6-10 - Louisville
11-15 - Cal
16-20 - Nebraska
21-25 - Arkansas
Unranked - Notre Dame

A note on Hawaii: The non-BCS team that is expected to do really well in any given season rarely does well in that season.

Picked Six

The Blue-Gray Sky has its annual contest up. This year, your intrepid blogger has thrown his hat into the ring (and suggests that the esteemed Mr. Rico do the same). His choices:

1. USC
2. Louisville
3. Ohio State
4. Florida State
5. Hawaii
6. Notre Dame

Addendum

Those with messenger bags, although only using one strap, look devilishly handsome. Those whose bags have two straps but choose to use only one deserve all that abuse and more.

Thesis

People who wear a backpack over one shoulder are invariably douchebags. Discuss.

The day my childhood died

I just threw up in my mouth a little. I heard this on the radio this morning, but hoped the DJ was mistaken. Alas, it appears not to be the case.

A G.I. Joe movie is being made. (Hooray!) But G.I. Joe is no longer a real American hero; now he's part of the Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity. Disgusting.

See here for more details.

I've never been a big believer in using the power of the Internet to create change, but if there has ever been a cause requiring an online petition, this is it.

Brilliant!

A wise man once said (on the Feb. 9, 1980 Weekend Update of SNL):

President Carter has proposed the drafting of women, and everybody's all worked up about it. Personally, I don't see what they're complaining about. Women in the armed forces could be the best thing that ever happened to this country.

Let's say we have a war with Russia and the women fight. If we win, that's OK. And if we lose, we can say to the Russians: "Wow, you beat a bunch of girls. You must be really proud of yourselves. You Russians are real tough guys, yeah." Can you imagine how embarrassed the Russians would be?

The same holds true for weapons. Why give weapons to our soldiers? If we win without 'em, fine. And if lose, we can say, "Oh, so you beat us. We didn't even have any weapons. Whaddya want? Big deal!"

If you ask me, the best defense our country could have would be an army of poorly equipped, untrained, unarmed women. That way, either we would win the war or we'd make the Russians look like incredible jerks. And isn't that what it's all about anyway?

That's my opinion. I'm Bill Murray, and my girlfriend's going.

Shoot

I always wanted 14 consecutive posts.

Back to school!

Back to school
Back to school
To prove to dad that I'm not a fool

Law school started yesterday. Aside from the troubling trend that I've already done a considerable amount of work, it's going well. In a few weeks, I'll be suing my wife for malpractice.

Interestingly, there's a 1L here who reminds me of Big Jim. Smart, a little too intellectual for my tastes, and vaguely goofy looking. So as I'm talking to him yesterday, we get on the topic of undergraduate majors. What was his?

Latin.

40 Specially Trained Ecuadorian Dancing Llamas

And oldy but goody. Remember the catch the little bit after the song ends.

For those keeping score, the Von Clausewitz admirably maintains the theme of the previous two posts.

Why a duck? I mean, the rest makes sense, but a duck?

[The persons responsible for this post have been sacked.]

War, What Is It Good For?

Well, studying for one thing.

In a remarkable coincidence, Victor Davis Hanson has an excellent column over at City Journal on the need for a great study of military history. He has two main points. The first is utilitarian:

A wartime public illiterate about the conflicts of the past can easily find itself paralyzed in the acrimony of the present. Without standards of historical comparison, it will prove ill equipped to make informed judgments. Neither our politicians nor most of our citizens seem to recall the incompetence and terrible decisions that, in December 1777, December 1941, and November 1950, led to massive American casualties and, for a time, public despair. So it’s no surprise that today so many seem to think that the violence in Iraq is unprecedented in our history. Roughly 3,000 combat dead in Iraq in some four years of fighting is, of course, a terrible thing. And it has provoked national outrage to the point of considering withdrawal and defeat, as we still bicker over up-armored Humvees and proper troop levels. But a previous generation considered Okinawa a stunning American victory, and prepared to follow it with an invasion of the Japanese mainland itself—despite losing, in a little over two months, four times as many Americans as we have lost in Iraq, casualties of faulty intelligence, poor generalship, and suicidal head-on assaults against fortified positions.

It’s not that military history offers cookie-cutter comparisons with the past. Germany’s World War I victory over Russia in under three years and her failure to take France in four apparently misled Hitler into thinking that he could overrun the Soviets in three or four weeks—after all, he had brought down historically tougher France in just six. Similarly, the conquest of the Taliban in eight weeks in 2001, followed by the establishment of constitutional government within a year in Kabul, did not mean that the similarly easy removal of Saddam Hussein in three weeks in 2003 would ensure a working Iraqi democracy within six months. The differences between the countries—cultural, political, geographical, and economic—were too great.

Instead, knowledge of past wars establishes wide parameters of what to expect from new ones. Themes, emotions, and rhetoric remain constant over the centuries, and thus generally predictable. Athens’s disastrous expedition in 415 BC against Sicily, the largest democracy in the Greek world, may not prefigure our war in Iraq. But the story of the Sicilian calamity does instruct us on how consensual societies can clamor for war—yet soon become disheartened and predicate their support on the perceived pulse of the battlefield.

The second is a question of piety:

Finally, military history has the moral purpose of educating us about past sacrifices that have secured our present freedom and security. If we know nothing of Shiloh, Belleau Wood, Tarawa, and Chosun, the crosses in our military cemeteries are just pleasant white stones on lush green lawns. They no longer serve as reminders that thousands endured pain and hardship for our right to listen to what we wish on our iPods and to shop at Wal-Mart in safety—or that they expected future generations, links in this great chain of obligation, to do the same for those not yet born. The United States was born through war, reunited by war, and saved from destruction by war. No future generation, however comfortable and affluent, should escape that terrible knowledge.

Read the whole thing of course, Hanson, when writing on the war in Iraq is often repetitive; however, that doesn't take away from his skill as a writer.

It's Almost as Good at TV!

Here's some Frontinus for you all. Everyone needs a little Frontinus in his life. Book II 5.31:

When Sertorius was encamped next to Pompey near the town of Lauron in Spain, there were only two tracts from which forage could be gathered, one near by, the other farther off. Sertorius gave orders that the one near by should be continually raided by light-armed troops, but that remoter one should not be visited by any troops. Thus, he finally convinced his adversaries that the more distant tract was safer. When, on one occasion, Pompey's troops had gone to this region, Sertorius ordered Octavius Graecinus, with ten cohorts armed after the Roman fashion, and ten cohorts of light-armed Spaniards along with Tarquinius Priscus and two thousand cavalry, set forth to lay an ambush against the foragers. These men executed their instructions with energy; for after examining the ground, they hid the above-mentioned forces by night in a neighbouring wood, posting the light-armed Spaniards in front, as best suited to stealthy warfare, the shield-bearing soldiers a little further back, and the cavalry in the rear, in order that the plan might not be betrayed by the neighing of the horses. Then they ordered all to repose in silence till the third hour of the following day. When Pompey's men, entertaining no suspicion and loaded down with forage, thought of returning, and those who had been on guard, lured on by the situation, were slipping away to forage, suddenly the Spaniards, darting out with the swiftness characteristic of their race, poured forth upon the stragglers, inflicted many wounds upon them, and put them to rout, to their great amazement. Then, before resistance to this first assault could be organised, the shield-bearing troops, bursting forth from the forest, overthrew and routed the Romans who were returning to the ranks, while the cavalry, dispatched after those in flight, followed them all the way back to the camp, cutting them to pieces. Provision was also made that no one should escape. For two hundred and fifty reserve horsemen, sent ahead for the purpose, found it a simple matter to race forward by short cuts, and then to turn back and meet those who had first fled, before they reached Pompey's camp. On learning of this, Pompey sent out a legion under Decimus Laelius to reinforce his men, whereupon the cavalry of the enemy, withdrawing to the right flank, pretended to give way, and then, passing round the legion, assaulted it from the rear, while those who had followed up the foragers attacked it from the front also. Thus the legion with its commander was crushed between the two lines of the enemy. When Pompey led out his entire army to help the legion, Sertorius exhibited his forces drawn up on the hillside, and thus baulked Pompey's purpose. Thus, in addition to inflicting a twofold disaster, as a result of the same strategy, Sertorius forced Pompey to be the helpless witness of the destruction of his own troops. This was the first battle between Sertorius and Pompey. According to Livy, ten thousand men were lost in Pompey's army, along with the entire transport.

Some notes. The battle took place in 77 BC. The third watch is around 9:00 AM. A cohort was composed of 480 men, and legion was made of ten cohorts. The Romans, and their similarly armed and trained Spanish counterparts, would have had a chain-mail shirts, bronze helmets, long oval shields, a javelin, and a short stabbing sword. The light armed soldiers would have had a number of javelins, a small shield, and maybe the helmet. The cavalry had a few javelins, a longer sword, a helmet, and some kind of armor on their chest (metal or leather). Oh, and no pants. Except for maybe of the Spanish. But then they were barbarians.

So. Sertorius is brilliant, yes? It's not everyday that you get to cut down two Roman legions with hardly a casualty. Incredibly detailed and well thought out plan and some brilliant execution. But there's more than that. Luck was involved too. The ambush worked so well that no Roman, if any survived uncaptured, was able to get back to warn Pompey or Laelius of the size of the ambush. Pompey must have been expecting the kinds of ambushes he put up with over the nearer foraging ground. Bad assumption. Laelius, then, was meant command a relief force and not a force capable of independent action. The Romans had an inherent to dislike of skirmishers and cavalry and consequently had very few in their armies. Pompey would have sent a sizable contingent of cavalry and skirmishers with foragers to, you know, ward off an ambush. Since these were already dead, not that he knew that, and since he would have kept the majority of those kinds of troops with him in case Sertorius offered battle, it's most likely that Laelius marched out without any supporting force at all. Remember he was supposed to be leading reinforcements. That Priscus' cavalry could flank him so easily is pretty good evidence that I'm right. The result, then, was pretty much set in stone.

That being said. Here's the image that's staying with me. Sertorius must have been watching the initial force of foragers in case it was bigger than usual and he had to call off the ambush. Seeing as it was the normal contingent, he would have signaled the go-ahead. Since the first battle took place under the trees, he wouldn't have been able to see anything, though he would have been confident of success. I can't imagine the feeling he had when he saw Laelius' men march out of Pompey's camp. Seeing them without enough numbers and without sufficient cavalry and skirmishers, he would have known that the first engagement was an unqualified success and that is was highly probable that every single one of them was going to die. Then, after the inevitable result, he got to watch Pompey make preparations to march out, knowing that he would be able to counter that too and that all Pompey could do was sit back and take it.

Dark stuff. But fascinating.

Hi-larious

I'm not a huge fan of those Chuck Norris statements, but this one really tickled my funny bone:

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Not sure why. I don't think it's even technically (if I can use that word with humor) the best. That award goes to:

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting requires some element of chance. Chuck Norris goes killing.

I'll have to ruminate on this.

Snoozing on the Job

I guess Rico and his crew weren't on the short list of cute families with recent babies. Maybe I should think about getting a new blog partner. If only I knew someone like those people in the article.

Throw Me a Frickin' Bone

In yet another display of its ongoing slide in moral turpitude, Hollywood has consistently refused to adequately portray a giant evil wolf.

Exhibit A:


WETA, normally superb on monster design, decided to with the giant hyena/hamster route, rather than portray the large, cunningly intelligent wolves Tolkien describes.

Exhibit B:

As good as ILM has been in the past, creature design for the Harry Potter movies has been less than stellar. I'm thinking of the centaurs in particular here. Anyway, Lupin's alter ego looks more sad than terrifying. Maybe even a little cute.

Exhibit C:

The best of the lot, as is befitting a Frank Miller inspired movie. Still, you can tell that The 300 didn't have a top-of-the-line budget (not that it helped the previous two creatures). He just looks a little fake. The movement, in particular, is a problem.

Until Hollywood manages to come up with a realistic, sufficiently scary design, I suggest it sticks to what it does best rather than churn out unsatisfactory canines:

Good Question

What is man, that you ask so much of him,
and that you set your mind upon him,
Visit him every morning,
and test him every moment?
-Job 7: 17-18

Boy Do I Feel Sheepish

So John Carlson got 3.91 GPA for the spring semester. The only conclusion I can draw, and I'm sure Rico will back me up here, that Smash Bros. is more time intensive than football. Oh he also has a 3.66 cumulative. Did I mention he's thought to be the best tight end in the country?

Recruiting Update

First, and most importantly. British Footman, whom I had blogged about in a less than serious manner, is actually a pretty good football player. And by that I mean very good football player since he verbally accepted Florida State's offer.

I'd like to use him, though, to show just how far Notre Dame has come. A running back who commits to FSU wasn't thought worthy of more than a sniff by ND's coaches. The class of 2008 is really too amazing for words, here it is via Rivals or Scout. Look at all those shiny stars. Add an elite receiver (i.e. Michael Floyd) and this might just be one for the ages.

We'll I'll Be!

Alligators are black, not green.

Be sure to check out the article. I'm quite envious of Michael Yon. To be so familiar with alligators is pretty damn awesome. That picture with the 212 sets of alligator eyes sounds pretty awesome too.

I Can't Get Over

how amazing the first movement of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is.

Krauthammer Is Always Right

Deal with it. From NRO:

Amid these conflicting claims, one issue is not in dispute. When The New Republic did its initial investigation, it admitted that Beauchamp had erred on one “significant detail.” The disfigured woman incident happened not in Iraq, but in Kuwait.

That means it all happened before Beauchamp arrived in Iraq. But the whole point of that story was to demonstrate how the war had turned an otherwise sensitive soul into a monster. Indeed, in the precious, highly self-conscious literary style of an aspiring writer trying out for a New Yorker gig, Beauchamp follows the terrible tale of his cruelty to the disfigured woman by asking, “Am I a monster?” And answering with satisfaction that the very fact that he could ask this question after (the reader has been led to believe) having been so hardened and brutalized by war, shows that there is a kernel of humanity left in him.

But oh, how much was lost. In the past, you see, he was a sensitive soul with “compassion for those with disabilities.” In a particularly treacly passage, he tells us he once worked in a summer camp with disabled children and in college helped a colleague with cerebral palsy. Then this delicate compassionate youth is transformed into an unfeeling animal by war.

Except that it is now revealed that the mess hall incident happened before he even got to the war. On which point, the whole story — and the whole morality tale it was meant to suggest — collapses.

The rest is good too, of course.

Tick, Tock

I've mentioned Leonhard's Fighting by Minutes before in a frivolous vein. Today, as I skimmed it to help with a paper I'm writing, I found this sage idea:

. . . In the past, commanders have tended to either ignore time considerations completely or think about them only in terms of time required. With only a spatial perspective on warfare, it is easy for the soldier to think about a given objective--for example, the destruction of an enemy army--and then to calculate that the friendly force will require two months to execute. In other words, the spatial objective is the independent variable and time is the dependent variable. The amount of time to be used depends on the amount of space to be conquested.

In ancient and medieval times, a spatial perspective could bear fruit. If the warring society were primarily oriented toward military conquest (as opposed to economic growth), and if the the field commander were also the head of state, it was a simple matter to require one or more campaigning seasons to attain the objectives in war. But in the modern world, the frequency of life has quickened. Electronic communications, rapid and volatile economic growth, and political power sharing within societies has made the duration of warfare a vital concern. To an ever-increasing degree, the commander must come to view the campaign not in terms of time required, but rather in terms of time available. Time is now the independent variable, and spatial considerations must conform to the new priorities, or all the dangers of long-duration warring will be realized (p. 174).

A little overly simplistic, but, then, it is a general statement. Anyhow, it certainly holds true for the Iraq campaign. If the generals were told we had to about of Iraq by 2008 at the very beginning, that would probably have changed our strategy and aims a heck of a lot. Fickle populaces and lengthy wars don't exactly go hand in hand. That fact probably should have been taken into account and had better in our next great adventure.

Evil Legos

I can't believe you had the opportunity to write about evil legos and didn't choose this picture.

The End Is Nigh

Be afraid. Be very afraid. From Reuters:

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A giant, smiling Lego man was fished out of the sea in the Dutch resort of Zandvoort on Tuesday.

Workers at a drinks stall rescued the 2.5-metre (8-foot) tall model with a yellow head and blue torso.

"We saw something bobbing about in the sea and we decided to take it out of the water," said a stall worker. "It was a life-sized Lego toy."

A woman nearby added: "I saw the Lego toy floating towards the beach from the direction of England."

The toy was later placed in front of the drinks stall.

What does the shirt mean? Is it some kind of code? Anagrams range from the banal "Uh, anyone a realtor?" to the sinister "A royal eon haunter." Only time, and perhaps more Legos, will tell. Let's just hope our plastic friend isn't the first stage in some kind of invasion. Not all Legos are as friendly.

Michigan

Still a work in progress. You, loyal reader, get to see ace reported Big Jim in action as he catalogs Michigan's perfidy . . .

Alright the specific dastardly nature of Michigan football players favorite major occurred to me as a read Pat Forde's article on the Harbaugh controversy. This quote, from Cathy Conway-Perrin, the director of academic standards and academic opportunities in Michigan's College of Literature, Science and the Arts clued me in:

"BGS [Bachelor of General Studies] can be more demanding in some ways," Conway-Perrin wrote in an e-mail asking for an explanation of the degree. "For example, students are required to take at least 60 credits of upper-level courses (courses numbered 300 and above, which are generally more intensive courses aimed at juniors and seniors). Since students need 120 credits to graduate, that means that at least half of a BGS student's coursework is upper-level. This allows them to develop intensive knowledge in several areas of study. So while juniors and seniors who are pursuing a BA or a BS may continue to take introductory courses in areas in which they have a peripheral interest, BGS students tend to study their areas of interest in depth and take more upper-level courses.

Here's the money quote:

For example, students are required to take at least 60 credits of upper-level courses (courses numbered 300 and above, which are generally more intensive courses aimed at juniors and seniors).

Right. Courses numbered 300 and higher.

Next I investigated the course requirements of all the other undergrad non-language humanities programs offered at Michigan (Math and science are excluded for obvious reasons):

African American Studies: 24 hours numbered 300 or higher, one 400 level senior seminar
American Culture: 19 hours numbered 300 or above, two 400 level courses
Anthropology's website proved impenetrable.
Communication Studies: 16 at 300 or above, 8 at 400
Comparative Literature: 24 at 300 or above (in two different languages), 3-6 400 level
English: 27 credits at 300 or above
History: 21 credits at 300 or above
Judaic Studies was unhelpful. 27 credit hours needed, but also 4 semesters of a language.
Medieval Studies and Early Modern Studies: 15 at 300 or higher, 4 semesters of a language, one 400 level class.
Near Eastern Studies: All concentrations with the program require extensive language classes except for Near Eastern Civilizations: 8 courses at 400 level
Philosophy: 15 at 300 or higher, 6 at 400 level
Political Science: 18 at 300 or above, 6 at 400 level
Psychology: 20 at 300 or higher
Screen Arts and Cultures: 30 at 300 or higher
Sociology: 30 at 200 or above (two 300 courses are mandatory)
Women's Studies: 12 at 300 or above, one at 400 level

So there we have it. Out of the 17 programs included in this survey only Psychology, Sociology, History, and English fail to require the student to take a 400 level course.

Open Book, RIP

Well, Amy's finally done it. At least, allegedly, though I can't see her going back full time. It really is sad in it's heyday (and even past it) Open Book was the best Catholic blog around. Her "Theory of Everything Posts" were just fantastic, and maybe not gone for good? Here's hoping someone will the void soon.

God Is Great

Harvey Mansfield has a good column in the Weekly Standard where he takes on those (Hitchens, Dawkins, et al.) who insist that religion is the bane of human society. The conclusion:

Is there an atheist alternative to tyranny? Is there such a thing as a non religious principle, replacing God, that is truly transcendent and not a tool of our passions? One can think of such a principle, something like Kant's categorical imperative that requires each person, without appealing to God, to act only on a universal idea, not one that favors himself or promotes his own interest over others. But how does this work in practice? Has Germany, the country of Kant, been a paragon of justice in the world since Kant fashioned his theory? More pointedly, has not the atheist totalitarianism of the twentieth century, with its universal pretensions, proved to be the worst tyranny mankind has ever seen?

There was an Epicurean atheism in the ancient world quite different from ours today. That atheism also uncovered tyranny behind the mask of religion, but it was content to point out the power of injustice. Injustice in this view was the way of the world, and there was no remedy for it. The only recourse for a reasonable person was to stay out of politics and live a life of pleasure, seeking calm, watching storms of the sea from ashore, and suppressing one's indignation at injustice.

Today's atheism rejects this serene attitude and goes on the attack. In its criticisms of God it claims to be more moral than religion. But it cannot do this without becoming just as heated, thus just as susceptible to fanaticism, as religion. Today's atheism shows the power of our desire for justice, a fact underestimated by the Epicurean pleasure-lovers. But it ignores the power of injustice, which was the Epicurean insight. Atheists today angrily hold religion to a standard of justice that the most advanced thinkers of our time, the postmoderns, have declared to be impossible. Some of those postmoderns, indeed, are so disgusted with the optimism of atheism that, with a shrug of their shoulders, they propose returning to the relative sanity of religion.

It is not religion that makes men fanatics; it is the power of the human desire for justice, so often partisan and perverted. That fanatical desire can be found in both religion and atheism. In the contest between religion and atheism, the strength of religion is to recognize two apparently contrary forces in the human soul: the power of injustice and the power, nonetheless, of our desire for justice. The stubborn existence of injustice reminds us that man is not God, while the demand for justice reminds us that we wish for the divine. Religion tries to join these two forces together.

The weakness of atheism, however, is to take account of only one of them, the fact of injustice in the case of Epicurean atheism or the desire for justice in our Enlightenment atheism. I conclude that philosophy today--and science too--need not only to tolerate and respect religion, but also to learn from it.

It's a bit funny to hear Mansfield call on postmoderns for support. Other than that, I like the division of Atheists into Crusaders and Epicurans. A damn good polemic, if I may say so myself. Also true.

I completely agree with you. Always.

(Editor's Note: This is the first in a series of 2008 presidential candidate profiles.)

Hi, I'm Mitt Romney, and I think you should vote for me as the next President of the United States.

Why? Because I always agree with you.

Always.

You hate abortion? Hey, me too! Well, sure, I used to support abortion, but that was before I realized you didn't like it.

Ronald Reagan.

Guns? I love 'em. Been hunting since I was a kid. Fishing, too.

Well, maybe I haven't hunted in a literal sense, but I still think we should use guns to shoot immigrants. You do hate immigrants, right?

Stem cells? I've hated them since I first heard about them. Oh, there's a video on YouTube where I say I support stem cell research? Well, just ignore that. You see, back then, I hadn't had my deep, lifelong, profound change of heart. I also wasn't running for president at the time.

Ronald Reagan.

Gays? I give you my word, my sacred word, that I will strongly denounce homosexual civil unions until the day that I die. Or the day I receive the GOP nomination, whichever comes first.

Ronald Reagan.

What's that? Republicans like curling? Seriously?

As you know, I've been curling all my life. Using the brooms, pushing that big round stone thing, I love it all.

Well, no, I haven't actually curled, but you know what I mean. Right?

Right?

Lingering Harry Potter Questions (No Spoilers)

Just a few inconsequential things I wondered about as I read the last Harry Potter book:

Why would the Ministry of Magic employ a pureblood wizard (Arthur Weasley) for a job involving understanding muggles? Surely there had to be an equally-qualified wizard who grew up in a home with televisions, lawnmowers, and combustion engines?

In the first book in the series, the Gryffindor quidditch team's beaters a\were Fred and George Weasley. In a dorm full of students aged 11 to 17, two 13-year-olds were the best beaters? In a position that seemingly requires strength and bulk, I can't conceive that they could have been the best. Further, I got the impression that they had started the previous year, meaning they may have been on the team at age 12.

Why was the entire defense against Voldemort left to a private collection of wizards? After Voldemort's first defeat, no one thought, "Hmm... maybe we should organize some sort of defense against any future super-badass evil wizards?" And no, the aurors don't count.

This depresses me to no end

The man after whom I've modeled my life is a phony.

---

'Wild' Storm: Reality Survival Show Faked
Scenes on Reality Show Were Contrived; Host Spent Night in Motels

July 25, 2007 —

He was born to be wild -- but only after a hot shower and room service.

The Discovery Channel has issued a statement in response to an investigation into its popular series "Man vs. Wild," following allegations that the show's host, Bear Grylls, had a little help battling the wild: a motel.

"Discovery Communications has learned that isolated elements of the 'Man vs. Wild' show in some episodes were not natural to the environment, and that for health and safety concerns the crew and host received some survival assistance while in the field," the network stated.

The series' production company, Diverse Television, is cooperating with British television's Channel 4, which carries the program under a the name "Born Survivor: Bear Grylls."

Channel 4 confirmed that Grylls had spent the night indoors on at least two occasions when the series had led viewers to believe he was spending the night in the wild.

Sort of like a modern day Tarzan, Grylls is airlifted into the wild with only a few survival tools, such as a flint or water bottle. The reality show hunk, who has appeared on several talk shows to the screaming delight of women of all ages, served in the British Special Air Services. On the show, he reportedly survives for several days with no outside assistance.

Grylls has been filmed stranded in the deadly swamps of the Florida Everglades, paragliding onto the edge of the Andes to follow rivers into the Ecuadorean jungle and demonstrating how to make a snow cave, find water in deep tunnels and avoid frostbite in Iceland's arctic environment.

But if there's a warm bed waiting nearby, just how impressive are these stunts?

Among the Grylls grievances is an episode supposedly set on a deserted island (actually Hawaii) that shows him building a raft, which was actually constructed and then disassembled by show consultants so that the host could easily put it together.

And though Grylls claims to be a horse wrangler, another charge maintains that the wild horses Grylls happened upon in the Sierra Nevada were not so wild, and were in fact from a trekking station.

The Discovery Channel gave no indication it was ditching the show entirely. Instead, the show will be tweaked.

"Moving forward, the program will be 100 percent transparent, and all elements of the filming will be explained upfront to our viewers," Discovery said in its statement. "In addition, shows that are to be repeated will be edited appropriately. Bear Grylls is a world-class adventurer and a terrific talent."

No word on what "transparent" means or how fans of the series will react, but perhaps Discovery should add a disclaimer to the show: Survival made possible by hotel stay and dramatization of events.

Copyright © 2007 ABC News Internet Ventures

First Place!

The Tribe may have had a miserable late July and early August, but Detroit's was worse. Also, the Indians are the first team to beat Santana three times in one year. How do you like them apples? Oh, and a continued curse on those Yankee Pig-Dogs.

Democrats: Genocide? Fine by Me.

While Bob Kerrey made the same point earlier, Jonah Goldberg is almost Steynian in his clever summing up of the situation:

Liberals used to be the ones who argued that sending U.S. troops abroad was a small priceto pay to stop genocide; now they argue thatgenocide is a small price to pay to bring U.S. troops home.

In his column, Goldberg makes the point that, while the US can't stop genocides, it should probably stop the ones it would be partially responsible for.

James Taranto: Simpsons God

From today's Best of the Web:

Life Imitates 'The Simpsons'

*Database: "Uh, the trail has become indistinct. I suggest we split up to cover more ground." Bart: "Good idea. Milhouse, you and me will be Omega Team. Todd, you and Data are Team Strike Force. Nelson, that leaves you and Martin." Martin: "Team Discovery Channel!"--dialogue from "Lemon of Troy," originally aired May 14, 1995

*"Spaniard Alberto Contador won the drug-tainted Tour de France. . . . Contador, who rides for the Discovery Channel team . . ."--Associated Press, July 29, 2007

How the heck to you catch something like that? One marvels.

Here's the video for those miscreants who don't remember one the great all-time Simpsons episodes:

Good Point

El Kabong has an informative post over at his Notes from the Geetar:

The measure of admissions standards seems to be set by the average GPA and standardized test scores of the athletes ND admits. When those scores go up, the theory goes, ND has tightened the noose on its coach in an effort to reclaim some kind of accountability for classroom performance. When those scores go down, ND has realized they need to admit the quality athletes to succeed.

That all sounds great in theory. The problem is, it only measures the student athletes who accept a scholarship offer to Notre Dame, not the full range of student athletes who were offered a scholarship, and it's the offer range that truly determines what Notre Dame's "admissions standards" are.

Savvy? Of course ND's football team has averaged over a 3.0 each semester, so it's not like we're admitting idiots. Still, I thought that was a good way of looking at admissions and recruiting. Ian Williams and Robert Hughes (not exactly top scholars in high school) wanted to play for Charlie Weis. No way they join Willingham.

Jake at 1 month

Magic Cellphones

So. I called friend a couple of nights ago (around 9:00 PM) to talk about the awesomeness that was fast approaching. I was surprised to hear him answering and in a sleepy and disgruntled manner. He had apparently gone to London, where it was 2:00 in the morning. Now that he had had popped off to London (where he's now reading the 7th Harry Potter, curse him) without telling me isn't anything out of the usual. That our cellphones were somehow still able to work is. My next move is to see if I can call dead historical personages. Updates will follow.

FAQ

Thought I'd take the opportunity to publicly answer some questions I've been asked recently.

Q: Is your son sleeping through the night yet?
A: No, although last night he had his longest stretch of continuous sleep yet, over 5.5 hours. It was the first night during which he only woke up once. Needless to say, it was enjoyable.

Q: Have you read Harry Potter yet?
A: No. We have the book, but my wife is currently working her way through it as I reread the penultimate book.

Q: Are you still supporting John McCain?
A: Yes, although I fear his chances are quite slim. I disagree with him on some pretty important issues, but I still think he gets the big picture better than anyone else out there. On a slight tangent, I'll probably throw up in my mouth a bit if Romney is the nominee.

The true purpose of the internet

The Shakespearean Insulter!

"Thou infectious malmsey-nosed flap-dragon!"

Also, 200 posts!

A Depressing Note on Human Nature

"Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forth in strange eruptions . . ."
--William Shakespeare

The announcement of the $660-million settlement between the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and 500 victims of sexual abuse got me thinking again about a topic that has confused me for a long time. Why do people of a certain profession feel a need to protect the absolute worst of their coworkers? In this case, why would the religious establishment ignore the blatant, violent sins and crimes of these pedophile priests? Their actions have created a potentially irreparable breach of trust between the clergy and the congregation.

To be sure, it is a phenomenon seen in many professions. And it confuses me just as much in those cases as it does here. For example, if you are an honest police officer, why would you go out of your way to potentially protect a dirty coworker? Not only does the clean cop not get anything tangible from his obstructions, he threatens his own credibility and that of the entire force.

Similarly, in professional sports, players' associations fought for years against policies of random drug testing. If I were a clean athlete, I would demand an aggressive steroid testing policy.

This list could go on nearly forever. What is it about human nature that leads us to protect slackers, sinners, cheaters, and criminals-just because we happen to be in the same line of work?

Bummer

The Wisconsin State Journal retracted their "Protestants in Hell" headline. I guess I'm going to have to share heaven with those WASP-y jerks after all.

John Derbyshire Is a Great Man

An absolutely fabulous post on the Corner:

Posh and Beck can smile and glitter all they like, they won't get Americans to like soccer.

Yesterday morning my son's football training season started. Yep, the Huntington Bulldogs.

We began with a mass meeting, parents & kids, on the field, addressed by Bud Willie, chairman of the Bulldogs board. Bud laid out the football basics for newcomers.

One of the points he stressed was that football, much more than other team sports, is for specialists. Playing THIS position, you need to be really good at A, B, and C. Playing THAT position, A, B, and C aren't so important, but you need to be really good at X, Y, and Z. So it's extra important not to miss a practice, or you may never get a start on skill X, etc., etc.

He compared this with other sports, where skills are more fungible. He spoke respectfully of baseball, basketball, even lacrosse. Then: "...And not forgetting soccer. How does it work in soccer? I'm not
sure. They run round kicking the ball. Then they run round some more and kick the ball some more. Who knows? Who cares? Anyway, back to football..."

There speaks the soul of America. U—S—A! U—S—A!

I can only pray that his analysis is correct.

There Are No Protestants in Heaven

But then there are no Protestants in hell either. Only Catholics in both. This is not to say that we each go to our respective afterlives, but that where the Catholicism differs from the rest of Christianity in matters of belief, it is the rest of Christianity that is wrong. How ridiculous! Why that would mean that the Catholic Church actually means what it says it means. This now peculiar stance was one the mark of a serious religion. Martin Luther his 95 Theses onto the door frame because he kinda-sorta-maybe thought he was onto something. Anyway there you go. Here's the press release from the Vatican, within which is the document in question. As it notes, it's not like there's anything new here. The Catholic Church has always claimed to be THE church founded by Christ and the most perfect (not completely perfect) means of salvation.

Pope: Protestants Going to Hell

That was the title of an article in yesterday's Wisconsin State Journal on the release of the Vatican's document reasserting the primacy of the Roman Catholic church.

How woefully ignorant of the editing staff of the WSJ. The story was an AP piece, but they chose to use that title. (The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel ran the same story under a different title.)

If they actually bothered to read the document, it would be fairly clear that the pope isn't asserting that all protestants are going to hell. But I suppose that's too much to ask of a major newspaper with a staff numbering in the hundreds.

Big Jim, any thoughts on this?

Large . . .

But not made of wood.

Baby Jake

Although he already looks different, here's a picture of my little guy at just one day old.

The suburbs rule

The complaints Penalver raises against suburban living apply just as much, if not more so, to rural living. Living on a farm makes one even more dependent on the car and "isolates" people even more from one another. Surely we don't all need to live in squalid cities to observe Catholic Social Teaching?

While I agree with his environmental criticism, the communitarian and justice aspects are just silly. The poor are unquestionably more burdened in the city, where the cost of living is usually significantly higher. As for separating people from one another, I'd rather wave to my neighbor living 500 feet away than be afraid to make eye contact with the guy in the apartment next door.

At this point in my life, I can't even imagine trying to raise a family in urban Milwaukee.

Living in Sin

I find myself reflexively disagreeing with the Eduardo Penalver (at the very least in spirit if not in fact); however, there's little to disagree with in his condemnation of suburban living:

But, aside from perceptions of authenticity, I also think there's a moral case to be made against suburban living on grounds of justice, community, and the environment. I think all three objections revolve around the car-dependence that suburban patterns of development literally mandate. Car-dependence separates people from one another, isolates the very young and very old, burdens the poor and harms the environment. The justice and communitarian objections to the suburban lifestyle resonate strongly with traditional themes of CST. The environment, on the other hand, has been something of an ugly stepchild within CST. The Church has had things to say about the environment from time to time, though, and I think (or at least hope) it will have much more to say about it in the future.

CST = Catholic Social Teaching.

Yes, I live in the suburbs both at home and at school.

All the President's Mental Faculties

It annoys me when I hear that average peopel think they are smarter than the president. Clearly, he's not genius, but he's certainly not an idiot either. The man did earn a degree from Yale, after all.

Anyway, with that in mind, I think John Derbyshire has it about right here:

For future reference, here's that I think about the man's mind. He's well above average in intelligence. You don't get a degree from Yale—not even with a C average—unless you're fairly smart. Psychologist Linda Gottfredson, working from W's published test scores, estimated his IQ at 125, which would put him around the 95th percentile (meaning that W is smarter than 19 out of 20 Americans). Charles Murray pegged him a tad lower, but still up in the 90-somethingth percentile.

On the other hand, my rather strong impression is that while the president CAN think, he DOESN'T, much. The Iraq blunderings, the poverty of his off-the-cuff oratory, the endless repetition of tired, empty cliches long discredited, the Harriet Miers fiasco, the stupid squandering of his small remaining political capital on that major-stupid immigration bill... not much thinking there that I can see.

If It Wasn't for That Noble Porpoise . . .

Herodotus is not the most conventional of historians. Being the "Father of History," that's not really too surprising. The current consensus seems to be that he rather uncritically recorded the stories he was given as he traversed the Mediterranean. Fact and fiction are inextricably bound together. Stories like Arion and the dolphin, for example do little to help his claim to authenticity:

This Periander, who apprised Thrasybulus of the oracle, was son of Cypselus, and tyrant of Corinth. In his time a very wonderful thing is said to have happened. The Corinthians and the Lesbians agree in their account of the matter. They relate that Arion of Methymna, who as a player on the harp, was second to no man living at that time, and who was, so far as we know, the first to invent the dithyrambic measure, to give it its name, and to recite in it at Corinth, was carried to Taenarum on the back of a dolphin.

He had lived for many years at the court of Periander, when a longing came upon him to sail across to Italy and Sicily. Having made rich profits in those parts, he wanted to recross the seas to Corinth. He therefore hired a vessel, the crew of which were Corinthians, thinking that there was no people in whom he could more safely confide; and, going on board, he set sail from Tarentum. The sailors, however, when they reached the open sea, formed a plot to throw him overboard and seize upon his riches. Discovering their design, he fell on his knees, beseeching them to spare his life, and making them welcome to his money. But they refused; and required him either to kill himself outright, if he wished for a grave on the dry land, or without loss of time to leap overboard into the sea. In this strait Arion begged them, since such was their pleasure, to allow him to mount upon the quarter-deck, dressed in his full costume, and there to play and sing, and promising that, as soon as his song was ended, he would destroy himself. Delighted at the prospect of hearing the very best harper in the world, they consented, and withdrew from the stern to the middle of the vessel: while Arion dressed himself in the full costume of his calling, took his harp, and standing on the quarter-deck, chanted the Orthian. His strain ended, he flung himself, fully attired as he was, headlong into the sea. The Corinthians then sailed on to Corinth. As for Arion, a dolphin, they say, took him upon his back and carried him to Taenarum, where he went ashore, and thence proceeded to Corinth in his musician's dress, and told all that had happened to him. Periander, however, disbelieved the story, and put Arion in ward, to prevent his leaving Corinth, while he watched anxiously for the return of the mariners. On their arrival he summoned them before him and asked them if they could give him any tiding of Arion. They returned for answer that he was alive and in good health in Italy, and that they had left him at Tarentum, where he was doing well. Thereupon Arion appeared before them, just as he was when he jumped from the vessel: the men, astonished and detected in falsehood, could no longer deny their guilt. Such is the account which the Corinthians and Lesbians give; and there is to this day at Taenarum, an offering of Arion's at the shrine, which is a small figure in bronze, representing a man seated upon a dolphin.

While I certainly don't suggest that we take this account as the gospel truth. We should probably give Herodotus a little more credit. After all strange things do happen. Really strange things. Almost unbelievable . . .

Just Because I Can

More Parkour!

Speaking of Lieberman

I wonder what kind of turnover he's had on his staff, if any.

As a former Senate intern (and yes, I mean that to be as snooty and condescending as it sounds), I've seen up close and personal the kind of people who work for Senators and Congressmen. As a general rule, they're pretty hard core partisans.

I worked for Harry Reid (current Majority Leader, then Minority Whip) in the fall of 2003. Naturally, everyone assumed I was a Democrat. One day I was discussing the 2004 Dem presidential field with one of the full-time staffers. He asked me who I supported, to which I responded "Lieberman." In my mind, he was the least of about 10 evils.

The staffer was obviously unhappy with that response and barely made an effort to hide her contempt for Joe. She described him as Bush-Lite, which is about the worst insult you can hurl in a Democratic office.

That was almost four years ago. Since then, Lieberman has completely abandoned his party on the defining issue of the day, gained reelection as an Independent, and been one of the staunchest allies of one of the most unpopular presidents in modern times. I just wonder how much his staff has changed in the last five years as a result of all that.

Mighty Joe Lieberman

From the WSJ:

Our objective here is deterrence. The fanatical regime in Tehran has concluded that it can use proxies to strike at us and our friends in Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon and Palestine without fear of retaliation. It is time to restore that fear, and to inject greater doubt into the decision-making of Iranian leaders about the risks they are now running.

I hope the new revelations about Iran's behavior will also temper the enthusiasm of some of those in Congress who are advocating the immediate withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq. Iran's purpose in sponsoring attacks on American soldiers, after all, is clear: It hopes to push the U.S. out of Iraq and Afghanistan, so that its proxies can then dominatethese states. Tehran knows that an American retreat under fire would send an unmistakable message throughout the region that Iran is on the rise and America is on the run. That would be a disaster for the region and the U.S.

The threat posed by Iran to our soldiers' lives, our security as a nation and our allies in the Middle East is a truth that cannot be wished or waved away. It must be confronted head-on. The regime in Iran is betting that our political disunity in Washington will constrain us in responding to its attacks. For the sake of our nation's security, we must unite and prove them wrong.

Something needs to be done about Iran's meddling, i.e. killing US soldiers, in Iraq. I don't know if direct conflict is the answer. Ideally we would use proxies of our own. Still, destroying one military base/target per American soldier killed has a certain cachet. Wouldn't you say?

Some Light Entertainment

In the July 9 issue of National Review, Ross Douthat had a great article on the Hostel movie genre. The conclusion:

. . . What's wrong with Hostel II isn't that Roth depicts torture; it's that depicting torture, and being "creative" about it, is this smug, sickening, pleased-with-itself movie's principal reason for existing. The audience isn't paying to watch a movie that contains a torture scene, any more than a guy renting an "adult" movie at the local video store is renting a film that happens to contain a sex scene; it's paying to watch torture, with the movie--including all these Important Themes--as window dressing to the money shots.

And whereas "normal" pornography is a debasement of the sexual act, a degradation of an essentially positive human experience, torture-porn of this sort is something else entirely. It's a radical experiment in evil-as-entertainment, one that places an artist's gifts in the service of the impulses that animated Torquemada, or Saddam's inquisitors. No, it's worse than that, because the tortures Roth has invented for Hostel II don't pretend to be designed to extract information, or even to terrorize a population and preserve a regime. They exist only to exist, in the same way that what began as coercive interrogations at Abu Ghraib ended as self-conscious spectacle: Torture as a way to while away the boredom of guard duty, torture for the sake of torture.

Abu Ghraib was real, of course, and Roth's Slovakian meat-grinder is fictional; no actors were harmed, physically, at least, in the making of the his project. And every censorship regime fails to make necessary distinctions: You start by going after the Roths of the world, and end up banning Lolita. Yet even so, if you offered me the chance to play censor for a day and send Roth to a jail cell alongside Lynndie England, I'm not sure I'd refuse.

Failing that, I'd like the opportunity to punch him in the face. It would make for an interesting commentary on the violence that's implicit in the relationship between the critic and the entertainer in our globalized age; also, the sick bastard had it coming.

That's about right. I think Douthat touches on something important when he draws the distinction between pornography and torture-porn. Pornography is the corruption of a positive good. At it's very best torture-porn is a corruption of our need for adventure. At it's very best. Douthat is off a bit in his especial condemnation of Roth since the torture is not even for a purpose. In the real world, yes, that of course matters; however, if the plot is just window dressing, then a sadistic torture movie starring Nazi prison guards wouldn't be any better. Never seen the movies, never want to. If that last paragraph is a shade opaque, it's a mockery of Roth's alleged motive in making the movies addressed earlier in the column.

Sexual Harassament

I also saw the article Rico linked to. I think a line from the Item No. 10 deserves special illumination:

Sexual harassment cases of the hostile-environment variety result from sex differences in what men and women perceive as "overly sexual" or "hostile" behavior. Many women legitimately complain that they have been subjected to abusive, intimidating, and degrading treatment by their male coworkers. Browne points out that long before women entered the labor force, men subjected each other to such abusive, intimidating, and degrading treatment.

Welcome to the club, I guess.

A fun and interesting read

Originally from Psychology Today, I picked this up from The Corner.

Ten Politically Incorrect Truths:

1. Men like blond bombshells (and women want to look like them)
2. Humans are naturally polygamous
3. Most women benefit from polygyny, while most men benefit from monogamy
4. Most suicide bombers are Muslim
5. Having sons reduces the likelihood of divorce
6. Beautiful people have more daughters
7. What Bill Gates and Paul McCartney have in common with criminals
8. The midlife crisis is a myth—sort of
9. It's natural for politicians to risk everything for an affair (but only if they're male)
10. Men sexually harass women because they are not sexist

I'll sleep when I'm dead

Which, at this rate, might be in about two or three weeks.

What they say about not getting much sleep after you have a child is true. At 18 days old, Jake would still rather sleep during the day than the night. I sat him down and tried to have a talk with him, but I think he was more concerned with his bowel movements.

Still, as tired as I am, I have to salute my wife, who must be even more exhausted. When Jake cries, I can wake up and fall back to sleep. Mrs. Rico, on the other hand, dutifully goes to work breastfeeding.

Once we work out these sleeping kinks, I have one more important lesson to teach him: a poop is not a traumatic experience.

Lazy Jim Dwyer

All that travel and not one trip to sunny Waukesha, Wisconsin? For shame.

I'd do a Google map of my travels as well, but trips to the grocery store aren't as interesting.

Tired Jim Dwyer

While entertaining, this summer has been far from restful. Item of evidence No. 1: this map. Make sure to note the glorious blueness of that Cleveland to Ithaca line.

Stages:
Friday, June 15: Cleveland to Chicago - 345 mi - about 5 hours 31 mins
Saturday, June 16: Chicago to Cuba City to Dickeyville to Chicago - 356.5 mi -about 7 hours 11 mins
Sunday, June 17: Chicago to Cleveland - 345 mi - about 5 hours 31 mins

Tuesday, June 19: Cleveland to Ithaca - 330 mi - about 5 hours 24 mins
Wednesday, June 20: Ithaca to Cleveland - 330 mi - about 5 hours 24 mins

Friday, June 22: Cleveland to Ithaca - 330 mi - about 5 hours 24 mins
Sunday, June 24: Ithaca to Cleveland - 330 mi - about 5 hours 24 mins

Friday, June 29: Cleveland to Nashville - 520 mi - about 8 hours 20 mins
Sunday, July 1: Nashville to Atlanta - 247 mi - about 3 hours 54 mins
Tuesday, July 3: Atlanta to Knoxville - 214 mi - about 3 hours 23 mins
Wednesday, July 4: Knoxville to Cleveland - 500 mi - about 7 hours 57 mins

All told, roughly 3855 miles, or 192 miles a day for 20 days. Not too shabby.

Rectifying Iniquities

During my blog sabbatical, Jim had the audacity to call me out on my musical choices. (Look three posts down for more details.) By way of response, let me just say that there's a reason the songs I chose are less obscure than his.

Now I'm no populist, and the Good Lord knows that there is plenty of bad yet popular music. However, when it comes to music with a long shelf life, the cream generally rises to the top. Indeed, that's the case with the songs I chose: after 12+ years, these are songs that people want to hear over and over again.

Another point to make: I wasn't trying to choose the objectively "best" songs, but rather the songs I would most like to listen to listen to on a road trip. I enjoy "Dead Flowers" well enough, but it can't possibly compare to the opening minute of "Gimme Shelter," which lures me in with its seductive "ooh-ing" and gets my heart racing without any words. That's what I was looking for, and that's why my list is infinitely preferable.

Back in the game

To paraphrase Jimmy Chitwood: I figured it's time for me to start blogging again.

Over the past two weeks, I've become intimately acquainted with the details of fatherhood. Let me give you the inside scoop: Babies are hard work.

With that knowledge, I've set the parenting bar pretty low. My ultimate goal is to not irreparably harm my child (physically, emotionally, and the like) before he leaves for college.

By my calculations, he should leave for college on or around August 17, 2025. From his birth (June 17) to that date is 948 weeks.

Two down, 946 to go.

I'm Pretty Sure This Qualifies as Awesome

John Derbyshire over at The Corner brought this to my attention:



I'm going to dispute the one scientist's claim that in the near future every surface will be such a device. I may be in the minority, but I actually enjoy the moments when it is impossible to use a computer or the internet.

*Addendum. I'd like to mention that yours truly had to go through a serious of complicated mathematical procedures, i.e. proportions, to make this video the proper size for our humble blog. I'm truly gifted.

For Rico

Went to karaoke tonight. Our song: "What Was I Thinking." I would have been embarrassed except that I bought it from iTunes after I saw Rico's alleged ultimate mix. Which reminds me. Far be it from me to accuse Rico of an appalling shallowness in his musical taste*, but where his and my list shared bands, I clearly chose the better, though more obscure, songs.

"Across the Sea" vs. "Say It Ain't So"
"14 Years" vs. "Sweet Child of Mine"
"Dead Flowers" vs. "Gimme Shelter"

I'm just sayin'.

*A little preateritio for the oratory fans out there.

I Can Die a Happy Man

Is "Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell" (703) the greatest MST3K episode ever?

Yes.

True, Joel has long since exited, but Trace Beaulieu was still on; however, that much is unimportant. Its glory derives from the references contained therein. There are riffs on Saruman and Radagast, Shane MacGowan and the Popes, and "Safety Dance."

I'm pretty sure that's an unbeatable combination.

Oh yeah, and the movie itself was gloriously bad.

Championship, Ho!

Well, the Cavs made it to the finals. First team to make it there since the Indians in '97. Last time a Cleveland sports teams won a championship was the Brows in '64. That was before the Superbowl, alas.

That, I'll watch the games, but I'm not really all that excited. I've never followed the NBA. To prove my apathy: I didn't even know the Cavs had made the playoffs until a friend from Detroit called to say the Cavs were winning game two.

Still, winning would be nice. It usually is.

Funny Man

Opening line of Fr. Leo's homily today:

Well, there's no easier way to commit heresy than to talk about the trinity, so today I'm just going to tell a story.

And he did.