Rocky 2008!

I recognize that the cross-section of people who love both Rocky IV and politics is probably quite small, but what the hell.

Come to think of it, a McCain v. Obama general election could set up just like the entire plot of Rocky IV (see my post immediately below).

Playing the role of Ivan Drago, the unstoppable Communist force dominating the boxing world is Barack Obama, the unstoppable near-Communist dominating the political world.

John McCain plays Rocky Balboa, a formerly great figure who's now thought to be over the hill by most observers.

Starring as Apollo Creed, Rocky's former nemesis turned respected peer, is Hillary Clinton.

In Act I, it is revealed that Dragobama is coming to America to fight an exhibition bout against Apollary. Though Rocky tries to talk her out of the fight, she's convinced that she can show this uppity youngster a thing or two. However, from the opening bell, it becomes quickly apparent that Apollary was woefully unprepared for the onslaught unleashed by Dragobama. Apollary's corner fails to throw in the towel, and Apollary is left beaten, bloodied, and on life support. Closing out Act I is Dragobama's fateful line, "If she dies, she dies."

Rocky is faced with an existential dilemma. Having just seen his peer killed in the ring by Dragobama, he concludes that his only choice is to face him for one final showdown: a debate at UC-Berkeley. His wife, however, has other ideas. When she tells him he can't win, he recognizes that maybe she's right, but he's going to fight anyway:

No, maybe I can't win. Maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he's got. But to beat me, he's going to have to kill me. And to kill me, he's gonna have to have the heart to stand in front of me. And to do that, he's got to be willing to die himself. I don't know if he's ready to do that. I don't know.

With the world against him and no one-not even his wife-thinking he stands a chance, Rocky goes into the wilderness and trains.

At this point, we cut to a training montage: Rocky, telling people the truth, Dragobama speaking empty platitudes. Rocky, riding the straight talk express, Dragobama, using class warfare rhetoric. The scene ends with Rocky standing atop Mount Rushmore repeatedly screming "Dragobama!" at the top of his lungs.

We arrive at the big debate. Polls show Rocky with nearly no chance. At the beginning of the debate, as the foes shake hands, Dragobama greets Rocky with, "You will lose" and "I must break you." Dragobama unleashes his dazzling array of oratorical assaults on Rocky. Though Rocky takes a vicious beating, he continues to fight. Just when things look hopeless, Rocky lands a wholly unexpected counter punch that fells Dragobama. Seizing an opening, Rocky pounces on him, attacking him as weak on national security, pro-taxes, and too inexperienced to lead this great nation. Even the Berkeley crowd is inspired by Rocky's words and begin to chant his name. Dragobama is unable to recover, and Rocky scores a KO by winning the electoral college 269-267.

After the debate, Rocky turns to the liberal crowd, and delivers this rousing speech:

During this debate, I've seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and in the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that's better than twenty million. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!

Fade to black.