Great Wits Are Sure to Madness Near Allied

If you're looking for the real thing. It's included in this set directed by Karajan. Probably my favorite CD I own.

A Red Letter Day!

Someone just got The Landmark Herodotus and Lost Battles. On the same day. Not that I have time to read either, of course. The Herodotus is especially tempting. Maps galore! But alas, it's now time to study French.

Rocky 2008!

I recognize that the cross-section of people who love both Rocky IV and politics is probably quite small, but what the hell.

Come to think of it, a McCain v. Obama general election could set up just like the entire plot of Rocky IV (see my post immediately below).

Playing the role of Ivan Drago, the unstoppable Communist force dominating the boxing world is Barack Obama, the unstoppable near-Communist dominating the political world.

John McCain plays Rocky Balboa, a formerly great figure who's now thought to be over the hill by most observers.

Starring as Apollo Creed, Rocky's former nemesis turned respected peer, is Hillary Clinton.

In Act I, it is revealed that Dragobama is coming to America to fight an exhibition bout against Apollary. Though Rocky tries to talk her out of the fight, she's convinced that she can show this uppity youngster a thing or two. However, from the opening bell, it becomes quickly apparent that Apollary was woefully unprepared for the onslaught unleashed by Dragobama. Apollary's corner fails to throw in the towel, and Apollary is left beaten, bloodied, and on life support. Closing out Act I is Dragobama's fateful line, "If she dies, she dies."

Rocky is faced with an existential dilemma. Having just seen his peer killed in the ring by Dragobama, he concludes that his only choice is to face him for one final showdown: a debate at UC-Berkeley. His wife, however, has other ideas. When she tells him he can't win, he recognizes that maybe she's right, but he's going to fight anyway:

No, maybe I can't win. Maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he's got. But to beat me, he's going to have to kill me. And to kill me, he's gonna have to have the heart to stand in front of me. And to do that, he's got to be willing to die himself. I don't know if he's ready to do that. I don't know.

With the world against him and no one-not even his wife-thinking he stands a chance, Rocky goes into the wilderness and trains.

At this point, we cut to a training montage: Rocky, telling people the truth, Dragobama speaking empty platitudes. Rocky, riding the straight talk express, Dragobama, using class warfare rhetoric. The scene ends with Rocky standing atop Mount Rushmore repeatedly screming "Dragobama!" at the top of his lungs.

We arrive at the big debate. Polls show Rocky with nearly no chance. At the beginning of the debate, as the foes shake hands, Dragobama greets Rocky with, "You will lose" and "I must break you." Dragobama unleashes his dazzling array of oratorical assaults on Rocky. Though Rocky takes a vicious beating, he continues to fight. Just when things look hopeless, Rocky lands a wholly unexpected counter punch that fells Dragobama. Seizing an opening, Rocky pounces on him, attacking him as weak on national security, pro-taxes, and too inexperienced to lead this great nation. Even the Berkeley crowd is inspired by Rocky's words and begin to chant his name. Dragobama is unable to recover, and Rocky scores a KO by winning the electoral college 269-267.

After the debate, Rocky turns to the liberal crowd, and delivers this rousing speech:

During this debate, I've seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and in the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that's better than twenty million. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!

Fade to black.

Everybody look at me!

I gave my son my sticker today. Never too early to teach him a lesson about voter fraud.

I did pencil in McCain today, and thanks to my vote, he carried Wisconsin. I didn't see his entire victory speech, but I really enjoyed this line, turning his sights on Obama:

I promise to fight every minute of every day of this campaign to ensure that voters aren't deceived by an eloquent but empty call for change.

Maybe I'm just fooling myself, but I'm beginning to believe that Obama is actually beatable. It's kind of like the scene in Rocky IV when Rocky finally gets Drago to bleed and Rocky's trainer Duke says, "You see? You see? He's not a machine, he's a man, he's a man."

Marshalling the evidence

Just so we're keeping track, Roger Clemens wants us to believe that:

1) Brian McNamee is lying about Clemens, despite the fact that his accounts of steroid provision have been largely confirmed by contemporary player Chuck Knoblauch and Clemens' good friend Andy Pettite.

2) Andy Pettite "misremembered" their conversation years ago, somehow confusing Clemens' discussion of a TV program that showed the benefits of HGH on old people with him saying that he had HGH shot in his ass.

3) Clemens' wife spontaneously mentioned to McNamee that she wanted to get HGH shot in her ass, without any prompting or even discussion of the subject with Clemens.

4) Clemens' career spontaneously regenerated, leading to multiple Cy Youngs, at a period when most pitchers begin to break down and struggle.

5) Clemens was entirely clean, in spite of mountains of evidence that hundreds of players were using HGH and/or steroids, and a "don't ask, don't tell" culture had developed in baseball.

Were I an unbiased observer, it would strain credulity beyond belief to think that Clemens is the one individual telling the whole unvarnished truth while everyone else is lying and misremembering. As a biased observer, I hope they throw the lying, bat-throwing, ass-injecting, steroid freak in prison.

Unifying Theory of British Culture

1. The British like tea.

2. The British have bad teeth.

3. Brushing your teeth makes your tea taste bad for hours afterwards.

Conclusion: The British have bad teeth so that their tea will taste better.

QED

No Burnination, Unfortunately

From Norbert, who is kind of a dragon in his own right:

Wrecruting Wrapup

Notre Dame wrapped up a remarkably successful recruiting class this Wednesday on National Signing Day. According to both Rivals and Scout, the class ranked second in the country. However, by the time August rolls around, it will likely be upgraded to #1. The current #1 belongs to Alabama, but Nick Saban signed 31 players to his class, of which only 25 are expected to qualify academically.

Notre Dame signed 165 (edit: 16!) of the top 250 players in the country, according to Rivals. Even more impressive is that the Irish signed 5 of the top 37: QB Dayne Crist (#25), WR Michael Floyd (#20), TE Kyle Rudolph (#27), OG Trevor Robinson (#37), and DE Ethan Johnson (#32). Here's the full rundown:

Hat's off to Charlie Weis and the Notre Dame coaching staff for doing such an incredible job keeping this class together in the face of a 3-9 season.

While we're on the subject of incredible coaching jobs, Notre Dame basketball is now ranked #21 in the country and is sitting at 8-2 in the Big East. For a team that was projected to come in ninth in the conference, they've really exceeded expectations.

Snow Day!

10-16 inches of snow? No problem!

25 Years of Kicking Ass and Taking Names

Well, maybe not kicking ass, but you get the idea.

Today, your friend and mine, Big Jim, turns 25. And boy, do we have an all-star lineup to wish him a happy birthday.

First up, two-time NFL MVP and reigning (for one more day) Super Bowl champion Peyton Manning.

Thanks, Peyton. Next, a special message from our friends at Anheuser Busch:

Bud Light presents, "Real Men of Genius." (Real Men of Genius.)

Today we salute you, Jim, Mr. Really Special Birthday Celebrator. (Mr. Really Special Birthday Celebrator!)

Some say you're a year older, some say a year wiser, and some say, "Why is a 25-year-old still celebrating their birthday?" (Cause I can!)

They say with age comes wisdom. Unfortunately, it also comes with varicose veins and thinning hair. (I'm wearing black socks with sandals!)

Tonight, you and your friends will party in the roped off section of the hottest club in town. Except in your case, it's the line to get inside. (Let us in!)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, O Admiral of the Ageless. Because even though you're 25, you'll always be #1 with us. (Happy birthday to yoooou!)

Lastly, Carmen Electra called and said she didn't want to miss the chance to confess a secret to you (and promote her latest movie, of course).

Happy birthday, Big Jim!